Competitive / bad loser! BM


Dear Brooke

I had an extremely unpleasant experience over the weekend. My husband and I went to watch an International sports fixture (I am not into watching sports at all but went for my husbands sake because he loves it so much, and I was very happy to go with him) I was 100% sure my country team would win, they always do and the team they were playing (from my husbands country) had not won against us in 9 years and had previously been playing very poorly, losing game after game, everyone thought it would be a walk in the park. However, my husbands team have obviously been training, it was utterly nail biting and everyone was on knife edge as we watched the incredibly close game between two world class international teams. My husbands team won by 2 points, and to my horror I felt absolutely furious and utterly disappointed, talk about a bad loser! I noticed my feelings and thought I would just allow myself to feel disappointed as all the International sports commentary was around how the close battle was really good for the game and good for the teams, so very a positive outcome. I tell my kids “if you are not winning, you are learning” just as Brooke says but I noticed I just couldn’t seem to get over my disappointment and carried it around for several days and did not want to discuss it or watch re-runs/game re-runs with my husband, it kind of made for a pretty unpleasant weekend, I wrecked it and we had actually flown to another city to watch it and to have a mini holiday of 2 days together without the kids. I have also come to notice that if my kids don’t do well in sport or other things that they are good at I feel really angry and jealous of other children who ‘win’. Am I correct in thinking that these thoughts all have the same hallmarks as scarcity? and lack, not being enough. The model is pretty easy in my sensible relative brain

C SA won game
T I can’t believe we lost, we never lose!
F angry, resentful, jealous, resentment
A refuse to watch re-runs / game highlights with my husband, feel down all day, I don’t even watch or like sport!
R refuse to let go of feelings, indulge in disappointment, wreck what was supposed to be a special treat and mini kid free holiday for my husband and myself 🙁

C SA won game
T so amazing, they deserve to win, it was an exciting match and they worked hard to get their result, both teams are amazing.
F excited for my husband and his team and proud of my own team
A watched re runs / game highlights with my husband to relive the amazingness of the night
R fantastic and really special weekend away with my husband, super happy for his win

I would love to have been able to redirect my brain to feel genuinely thrilled for my husband as he was so delighted with the results but I just wouldn’t or couldn’t that night or the following days. I would appreciate any advice on this as being a poor loser is a dreadful way to be in the world and we always encourage our children to have good sportsmanship no matter what the results. Thank you