Complicated relationship with my older brother


My older half-brother abused me when I was a 6 year old (he was a teenager), when I turned 15 (the age he had been when he abused me), I suddenly understood what he had done was wrong. Understanding this, ( I had brushed it off before this, I was his “special sister, etc.”) caused lots of mental health issues relating to this abuse. I spiraled into a depression at this time. Was put on Lithium and other heavy-duty antidepressants, in the 80’s.

As this was happening my older brother (who was now in college) had his girlfriend use me for a psychological study at the university he was at. The results of this “study” left me at odds with my Mum, as his girlfriend “found” that supposedly all my mental issues had to do with my mother. A whole school onslaught of my mother’s parenting skills ensued for years. My older brother was always there to talk about my Mom’s failings. With my older brother “rescuing” me with money during college, always talking my Mom down etc. for years. No surprise, my Mom and I’s relationship suffered. In a dispute about my Dad’s estate between my whole brother and half brother, I sided with my half-brother, as despite the abuse, I felt he handled the dispute better, was acting the bigger man.

I confronted my older half-brother about this abuse about 5 years ago. my relationship had broken down, I had a young child and I realized that my model of a healthy familial relationship was really skewed. It did not go well, there was no apology and no feelings of empathy. My brother argued that he had tried to be a good brother despite the abuse.

My older half-brother has recently taken over all my financial accounts, in my mind he is stepping up to take care of me after I cited that I had spent thousands in therapy trying to get over his childhood abuse. He is now just trading stocks full time and has ensured me that he will take care of my money.

Speaking to him tonight, he never asks how I am, all the talk is about the latest huge purchase, TESLA car or cruise when he knows I am struggling as a single parent in a foreign country. I moved away to try to get some distance from this whole family dynamic. I feel angry that he is enjoying this life, despite having abused a child. I have had years of therapy, drugs etc. all because “something was wrong with me” when in reality NOTHING was wrong with me, I was a victim of abuse.

I feel angry that he does not show more concern or interest in my life or have any kind of discussion about how I am doing and worry this “financial help” maybe another attempt to control or manipulate me? It feels weird, but I am utterly unable to deal with this tax/ financial stuff myself and tell myself that I should just take his help and be happy for it?