I had an important meeting with funders at work, and I was aware in the moment (thanks to SCS) that I felt super at ease and confident. There are many other instances in my career where I feel incredibly insecure and anxious because I’m caring a lot about how others perceive me, especially when I’m public speaking. Even if I receive positive feedback, my R is never positive because I’m not believing it myself. I did a model backwards about the meeting with funders where I felt confident, and my result was that the meeting went great. I got curious about that and realized I could honestly say that I have absolutely no idea how the funders or my own staff perceived me during or after that meeting and it didn’t matter at all, I just felt great about how it went and how I showed up. So I know it’s possible! I’m still trying to find the thought that created that because I’d love to transfer it to other work situations where I am not my best self at all. It really feels like I’m confident in meetings because I’ve done it before and there’s evidence that I can do it. I have less evidence with public speaking. It feels very rational to believe that I can feel good about X because I’m good at it, but not about Y because I’m not good at it. I have to be the executive witness in front of our local city council soon where I’ll give written remarks and then be asked tough questions about my agency’s work by councilmembers, and I’m already terrified and dreading it. I’ve done this once before and I (as well some colleagues) did not think it went well. I’ll certainly practice thoughts this time that will lead me to over-prepare, but I just want to show up as my best self, not as the nervous, trembly-voice version of me. How can I think confident thoughts without the evidence?
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