Conflict with hubs- help!

Hubs and I have been married for 17 years and have 1 son, who is 2.5. But we really are struggling to connect. Several things happened over the last few years but they’ve been piling up before that, (his parents passed in a car accident suddenly, his brother are kinda jerks, loss of social connection w/friends, not where he wants to be in his career, my post partum) And I don’t know that he’s really processed through it.

I am in a similar place in my life, where there is a lot of transition and a lot of emotional triggers processing through, but how we are dealing with it, is different.

C: DH gets triggered in a conversation when we start talking about politics, (but it can be any subject really) he gets frustrated at me and leaves the room

T: I feel responsible for his feelings . I need to fix it. I love him and want to help.

F: Anxious and stressed.

A: I tell him about things that are working for me in my path to feeling better. Books, podcast, etc. Giving solutions to help him feel better.

R: We end up fighting, he shuts down.

Another model:

C: Hubs is unhappy, depressed and shut down. This is pretty consistent state day to day

T: I want him to do something different, go to therapy, read books etc, but honestly, I don’t know how to help him. I hate seeing him struggle and in emotional pain. I miss my best friend.

F: sad, disconnected, heartbroken, lonely

A: I buffer by listening to podcasts to keep feeding my brain, cope. He drinks

R: We don’t connect, next day we repeat

I know we probably need some outside intervention, I’m just feeling kinda hopeless. Thanks for your help!