Hello and thank you.

My question is, “How can I be true to my desire to show kindness to people but also resolve the financial connection between my ex-husband and me?”

I have been divorced for over 2 years. I want to show kindness to my ex (and to everyone) so I have helped my ex financially several times. But I really do not want to help my ex anymore. He has promised repeatedly to fix the financial issue with me so I am no longer involved in it with him. However, he has not changed the financial situation the past 2 years. Now that the virus has hit, my ex says that he has to postpone again fixing the situation. My ex said that if I could not see that he could not have predicted this virus and its impact on his finances, then he “feels sorry for me.”

My current partner of 1 year says that my ex is manipulating me and lying to me about his intentions to fix the financial situation, and I should consult with an attorney. The divorce decree outlines how the financial situation should be. I just did not want to hire an attorney.

Whenever I talk to my ex about the situation, I believe what he says about his circumstances and his good intentions. When I talk to my partner, I see that my ex is manipulating me and I am letting him do that. My ex and I are still co-parenting our 16 year old, so I want to try to get along for our son.

I want to be kind but I also want to be sensible and minimize risk with my ex. I don’t want to be financially connected to him. I don’t want to be manipulated. I do want to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our son. My current partner says he is worried about the risk to us presented by being connected financially to my ex.

My intent is to contact an attorney if my ex does not fix the financial situation with me within the next 90 days. This is a bit arbitrary but I will feel like I have given my ex sufficient time for him to resolve the issue without my being mean. Finally today, after asking my ex for the past 4 months for proof of his trying to resolve the issue, I received an e-mail from someone employed at a financial institution saying that the situation will be resolved within 45 days. I plan to research if this person and e-mail are legitimate.

Your thoughts on my thoughts and circumstances are appreciated.