conflicted feelings


Thanks in advance! Yesterday I learned that a former advisor of mine is being investigated for harassment that would’ve been in 2004, and an official from his employer contacted me to ask about my experiences with him and my knowledge about the situation. I have conflicted feelings, so I’m trying to organize the feelings into models. I’m not sure what I might be missing, so any feedback is welcome!

C the investigation and my conversation with the official
T I answered appropriately and to the best of my recollection
F in integrity
A (not sure if I’m doing anything from this model now?)
R

C same
T I’m concerned for him
F surprised
A I question myself for being concerned for him; I worry about 2 specific details I included; I wonder who else the official contacted and who prompted the investigation
R ?

intentional model
C same
T it’s understandable that I feel some concern for my former advisor while wanting to have done my best to help the investigation
F compassionate towards myself
A remind myself I was honest, detailed, and appropriate in my answers to the official; remind myself that even if the 2 details are a “problem,” that’s exactly the job of the official to determine if it constitutes harassment; allow myself to feel the concern for him and the desire for justice/fairness for whomever initiated the investigation
R I allow the feelings and realize the feelings might not even be conflicting

This has been an interesting set of models to explore, because it’s not a C that I would want to feel “good” about, so it’s a great example for me of 50/50. I’m still processing the feelings as the C is so fresh. Any suggestions are much appreciated! Thank you.