I have been volunteering and was a paid organizer since June for my local Democratic party. I have experienced several conflicts with others during this time. The most recent has left me with a lot of thoughts and feelings. I spoke at the general meeting about our project and we are likely becoming a committee of the Dems group instead of a relatively independent project.
One of the board members IM’ed me on Zoom during the meeting saying he thought our group was taking over the responsibilities of another committee. I answered his questions in a kind way. He then followed up with an email that our group was taking over his group (we are all part of the same group) and that he was not going to ‘work for’ our group. I feel like his actions are inappropriate and annoying. I also think that I am spending too much time volunteering for this group, but I keep pushing forward to do more. So between the conflicts and overextending myself, I feel like quitting after almost every meeting. I feel like I keep getting people telling me I can’t do stuff, and I feel tired. I’ll write a model and would appreciate any feedback. I find that I have been having a lot of anxiety and concern about doing the wrong thing, or people disapproving of me, even in the time that I could be relaxing.
C: D IMs and emails me after I speak about the project at the membership meeting
T: If I was doing this right, this wouldn’t keep happening
A: Forward his messages and emails to two group leaders, avoid responding to his email, think about how he is wrong, think that if I was a man he wouldn’t do this, think that this is why women don’t take active leadership roles, don’t take responsibility for clear communication, don’t consider all sides of the issue, think about quitting, waste energy doubting myself, spend a lot of time thinking about the C as a problem
R: I disempower myself by framing the C as a reason to stop
T: I can continue to lead when others disagree
A: Wait to respond to his email, be grateful for group members who are so supportive of me, imagine what might be going on for D, have faith in myself and my abilities, allow myself to rest, allow myself to make mistakes, be grateful for the opportunity to be part of a community, trust in others to support me, focus my attention on other things, allow this to not be a huge problem, relax and be less afraid
R: I experience myself as a leader who can handle disagreement
T: I can scale back my volunteer time in a way that makes sense for me
A: Make a plan for what I can realistically do as a volunteer, delegate tasks to others, decide not to spend time thinking about group drama when I have time off or am working on other things, let people have their opinion, trust others in the group to do what is right for them, continue to be generous with my skills and knowledge, recognize the contributions of others, let myself have meaningful downtime, organize my time more efficiently, give myself a break and be less hard on myself
R: I take responsibility for myself and allow room for joy and relaxation in my life