C: sister says she will never be in the same room with our brother-in-law again.
T: if I really cared I would tell her that she is creating her own suffering, but I don’t want to rock the boat.
F: conflicted
A: just agree and validate their experience and perspective.
R: I ruminate about what I was thinking of saying but never did. Which gets me all frustrated.

I realize that I am creating my own frustration here…but I am still conflicted in what to do.

Other thoughts I have around this are. “I don’t want to say anything unless I know she will hear me” or “I don’t want her to one day come as ask me why I didn’t say anything earlier? She could have avoided so much suffering”.

Or do I simply just state why I am choosing not to avoid this brother-in-law even though I have also struggled with him in the past too.

I can tell that I have an inclination to want to change their outcome. I want them to listen to me and take action on what I say. I have a fantasy about that changing because of what I say AND a horror story about us getting into a huge argument and or relationship being on the rocks because of what I say.

I also worry I will come off as self-righteous… Maybe that is true…because I do think I am right in my assessment of them creating their own suffering and I have solved for it.

So do I say what I honestly think or not?