I had an argument with my husband where he said “I know that you don’t have any empathy”.
My brain was telling me that he telling words is a circumstance and I can choose what I want to make them mean. I chose to feel anger. My anger felt justified. I didn’t want to do a thought download because my anger might come down and he will be off the hook for his behavior. I wanted to punish him. I cried myself to sleep.
C: husband said – I know that you have no empathy
T: this is unacceptable, I want to be in rage and punish him
A: built up anger. Tell myself I’m choosing to be angry. Avoid husband, Skip dinner, cry myself to sleep as a way of punishing husband.
R: I punish myself for husbands words.
This morning I woke up and told myself I want to continue the rage and don’t give up. I acted cold. I wanted my husband to apologize and say he was wrong, which he did ultimately (after my drama) but it wasn’t convincing. I think I believe I don’t have empathy is what I find out from all this.
T: he is saying the truth, I don’t have empathy
A: avoid the thought . Tell myself I don’t have to believe it yet on some level I do. Fix it by reading books on developing empathy. Feel low and inferior
R: I believe I’m a person with no empathy
I don’t want to “fix” myself because I think I’m a good person and there is nothing to fix. Yet my husband points out (many times) that I think only about me and not about others. I just don’t want to ignore that as “his thoughts” but use it in a positive way to make some changes. Am I seeking his approval here?