Hello, my question is about defining consequences with boundaries. For example: every time my husband and i go through a really rough patch in our marriage (which has happened 3 times in our 7 year marriage), I find out he has been talking with a woman on social media. They have all lived out of state, so there is no physical contact, but I view it as a violation of our marriage. My unintentional model is
C- Husband communicating with other women
t- he’s cheating, he doesn’t love me, he’s an asshole, it’s all his wrongdoing
f- hurt, angry, upset, defensive
a- shut him out, don’t speak to him for weeks
r-no real resolution
my intentional model-
c-husband talking to other women
t- there is obviously a breakdown in our marriage, we need to communicate and figure out what we both aren’t getting that we need from each other
f- still hurt but also curious and motivated to fix marriage
a- open up lines of communiation- SET BOUNDARY
r- working together to fix marriage
but…i feel like we keep having the same problem, and he’s getting let off the hook for basically having an affair (i’m sure im contributing in some ways to the breakdown/problem times in our marriage)…and I want to set a consequence for him breaking that boundary b/c it’s absolutely unacceptable for him to be talking to other women in my opinion.is that important to do or do you have another suggestion that would be more helpful? thank you!