I’m struggling a bit with the concept of constraint. I am working on a goal of creating 4 clients per month while working full time as a lawyer. I also want to start dating and believe that I keep putting it off because it’s “not the right time yet.” I know that it’s important to have one goal at a time. I know that dating is going to take focus, self coaching and a lot of processing of discomfort, but my higher priority right now is my business.
Is it just not possible to focus on both if I want to be effective? There’s only so much time in a day. Is it better for me to do one at a time or try to both simultaneously? As I write this, I recognize that the simultaneous thing is what I’ve been trying and that’s probably why neither goal has come to fruition. Then there is some sadness that comes up because I have to choose between growing my business and dating. But then doesn’t it make sense to get the momentum of one going before focusing on the momentum of the other?
C: Goal of 4 coaching clients in June and to go on 2 dates in June.
T: It’s just not possible to focus on both if I want to be effective
A: Start working on the coaching clients with resentment instead of commitment to the goal. Swipe on dating apps with the hope that someone will magically show up and I won’t have to do the work on that goal when I’m done with this one. Lose focus on the coaching goal. Don’t self coach on the dating goal.
R: I don’t reach either of my goals because I’m resenting one and half heartedly looking to the other and being ineffective.
What’s coming up after writing that Model is that I want to feel committed to both goals. But there is still some resentment and restraining feeling when it comes to choosing one over the other, because I want both very badly. Why? The T that comes to mind is I’ve wanted both of these things for a long time.
T: I’ve wanted both of these things for so long
A: Eyes well up with tears. Look for all the evidence of everything that I’ve admittedly half-heartedly done to get to the result and how I still don’t have it. Look at other people who have both.
R: I create suffering by thinking that I don’t have these things after a certain amount of time
The sadness is covering up a layer of shame for not being able to create this sooner.
T: I haven’t been able to create these things in my life and I should have by now
A: Beat myself up for not self coaching in a targeted way on these goals. For not looking to constrain sooner. For the actions I didn’t take and for the thought work I haven’t done. I could have created this so much sooner if I had constrained on each sooner.
R: I create shame and suffering instead of the outcomes that I want.
Just doing these UMs has been very eye-opening for me and would love some feedback and maybe some direction for the Intentional Models.