Controlling Husband

I am married to a man who is very controlling around money and decisions. He is a firefighter, comes from an alcoholic abusive father childhood and I believe that he has not dealt with his past emotional trauma at all and now he is in a job that is very stressful and emotional but he completely shuts off to it. He goes to calls where they do cpr or see gun shot victims and he will seem to be “completely fine” but then we will have a fight and he gets controlling, aggressive behaviour and extremely angry. I know Brooke says to never leave a situation until you feel neutral about it or love it but I don’t fully understand how to do that in my case. I don’t want my daughters to grow up around this fighting and negativity or to learn that “men control women” but unfortunately that is what they are seeing. My question is: what does Brooke mean about loving the situation before you leave it and also, is he traumatized from his childhood and his career and it’s causing these problems in our marriage or am I making this up?