Controlling, Manipulative Sister


Hello Coaches. Ugh, this is a biggie for me. I have an older sister we are 18 months apart. Im 58 years old. For three years, up until this past January I had to delete her from my life. I cannot recall EVER having a light and airy conversation with her, without her being negatively directive. She and I are very different. I have always chosen to spend my time doing things I am passionate about, including where I live. My husband and I have a creative, thriving business and we make enough to live on and this allows us to do what we want to do. We also live near the ocean, choosing location, we both surf, ride motorcycles and have a great relationship. Her barometer of “success” has primarily been money. She has a mega home and makes mega money. I would not say she is happy in her job, she complains about it .. in all areas. Our mother lives near her, this is the 3rd home she has bought for my mom. This is her choice. Our mom could live within her means, that is her choice, their choices. This incident three years ago, she called me and told me when I was going to move our mother. It just so happened that weekend, I was having our biggest fundraiser of the year (Pugsgiving) I founded and ran a pug rescue back in 2010 ( rescuing and rehoming over 700 pugs in 6 years and raised over 600K. I relinquished my role at the end of 2016 ) But she would not know that, not once did she ask about it, only making crass comments over all that time. That is totally cool with me, she is not a dog person, I didn’t expect different but when I began to let her know that weekend I could not possibly do that, the kraken was released and the wrath began. I had to tell her that I needed to get back to work and that was that. I was done. This past January, we did see each other, and I tried to make a connection, but there is never an opportunity to have a discussion. There have been a few more interactions, with basically the same outcome. I feel like shit, I want nothing to do with her, at all. There was a time for years that I tried to do the dance with her, to try to win her approval, but no more.

The deal is… I know I need to just let her be her and love her anyway. I have done models on how I want my results, I did a model last time I saw her but its still SO uncomfortable, I just become a zombie, bumbler.. I again feel that having a relationship with her is just not possible or that I even want to. I am not at a place yet, where I can just let her be her and still have a relationship with her. But I need help. I hate how I allow my thoughts start spinning out of control. Since her texting me, this has altered my day. I even have a headache!

Thank you in advance, Im so glad Im here 🙂