Controlling. RMD

I have been working on my control issues. I know part of it is was avoiding feeling my emotions and I tried to control everything and everyone. I’m now working on allowing people to be themselves and feeling all the emotions associated. Currently I have worked on my house; organizing, cleaning and some remodeling. I am doing it for myself, because the more I love my home and my environment the more I want it to be the best version of itself (LOL). My children are adults or close to adults and I’m trying to make sure I’m not controlling them or forcing them to clean up after themselves and trying to inspire them to do it. In the past when I tried to control, it felt uncomfortable, like I had to rush or had to force them to do it. Lately it seems that I just want to show them and don’t mind working side by side with them and they seem to appreciate it. I’m I still controlling or trying to change them when I offer to help them clean and organize, because it’s what I want? Should I be waiting for them to ask for my help and just accept it if they don’t? And if they don’t, how do I came to terms with the mess and clutter?