Conversation model


I want to not feel guilt or feel judged for my choice to go to my boyfriend’s mom’s bday and drive up on my own Friday rather than drive up with my
boyfriend Wednesday… this model below describes what happened and what I made it mean:

C: boyfriend tells me “Now we are doing an all family dinner Thursday night. It’s a lot of driving for you to come separate. My mom thinks it’s dumb. We should drive together.”
T: It would’ve been nice if he told me this up front rather than suggesting we drive separately originally
F: irritated
A: take things he says more personally, act more sassy or on edge about things he said, ask why he didn’t ask his mom about the plan sooner, dwell on whether or not I should change my plans
R: not change plans but feel guilt that I should want to go sooner and clear my schedule

Any advice? I want to feel ok with this even if his mom thinks it’s dumb. I drive separate and even though boyfriend doesn’t like the idea of me driving there and back alone.