Corona Friendship Crisis


Hi,
I recently had a phone conversation with a very good friend of mine. We originally had planned to have lunch together (as we usually do 1/month) but then switched to the phone due to the lockdown. I found the conversation extremely difficult, as I realized my friend was really afraid (her son and her husband both are suffering with asthma) and also – understandably – quite negative and depressed. I work in the health sector myself and put quite some effort in staying positive and strong (and I’m lucky, as by some reason I’m not feeling much fear). So I tried to cheer her up a little and pointed out the little successes we had so far in flattening the curve etc. Honestly I found the call exhausting and was glad when it was over, but didn’t give it much of a second thought as I got how anxious etc she was. One day later I received an email from her, accusing me of taking it all too light and that she found that cynical and disrespectful for all the people working in hospitals. I answered, apologizing. Saying, that I might not have been understanding enough of her fears, that I understand them well and that looking at the positive side and concentrating on what I have power on, is my way of dealing with my fears. She answered by ignoring all that I had said, just repeated how cynical and respectless she found me.

Model 1)
C: Friend says she finds what I said respectless and cynical
T: I’m not able to reach her
F: sad, helpless
A: don’t answer back (will reach out when all of this is over)
R: no connection with her

Model 2)
C: Friend says she finds what I said respectless and cynical
T: I explained it twice, I opened up about my “why” and she doesn’t even seem to listen to my words
F: hurt and angry
A: don’t answer back (will reach out when all of this is over/when things have calmed down)
R: no connection with her

=> The same C causes different Ts/Fs for me. The As and Rs are the same again. Does that makes sense? Or am I missing something here? Am I not going deep enough, maybe? Should I be more self aware (maybe my words WERE disrespectful and I didn’t realize???

This is a really good friend and it’s the first time in our very longtime friendship that such a thing happens, I really feel a little bit helpless in what else I could do … besides giving her/us some time …
Thanks for clarification…