Correct Understanding? CWD


Hi Brooke!

I’m looking to make sure I’m understanding a few things correctly, at least at the intellectual level.

– With feelings we always want to feel them and sit with them. And this helps us find the thoughts causing them. Yes?

– Life is 50/50. In times when we want to feel negative, like with death or relationships ending or being treated in a way we deem unacceptable, we just feel the feeling for as long as it takes and that is the action (as opposed to blaming or withdrawing or whatever else we might do if we are reacting / avoiding / resisting the emotion). And in those cases, we also just want to check our thinking to make sure we like the way we are thinking about it (i.e., won’t serve us if we are adding the emotional pain of thinking that something has gone wrong, for instance) – so clean pain would be accepting it as it is and just feeling the emotions related to that. Yes?

– If we are causing ourselves unnecessary suffeeing about something that we dont want to feel tereible about…then we also here still need to feel the feeling we’re in and really understand it’s caused by a thought before we try to shift ourselves to feeling better with a more intentional model.

– With parenting young kids – or really any kids under 18 living in your home – I want to really get what healthy emotional management / expectations looks like. So let’s say in your family, you want the family to sit down together for a nice enjoyable dinner. Of course, only you can control how you feel about it. And you want to be in a loving space with your kids but also not feel like you are not parenting / you are allowing them to do whatever they want. Ex. Say one child hides at dinner because he doesn’t like what is served and then doesn’t want to sit down to eat. Expecting him to like it or to sit down when he doesn’t want to is wanting him to be diff then he is and causes frustration. The way you teach – would you recommend handling this in the following way? 1- feel the frustration unintentionally created and really get thoughts are causing it. Process that. Don’t act from there. 2 – shift to love by thinking a thought like “I love him. What do I want to teach here and how can I best teach it?” 3 – make a request from that loving place. “Son, please sit down with us for dinner and eat as much as you like” and then perhaps also a boundary?? From love. Like “This is the last opportunity you have to eat tonight, I won’t be serving any more food. So if you’d like to eat before bedtime, make sure you eat what you need now.” Or simplified, basically saying “If you ask for food later, I will say no.” Is this the approach to take with children…to give them choice but still accept them as they are and be in a space of unconditional love? And is this the same type of approach to take in all things parenting when you want to influence your child to make a particular choice but dont want to be controlling / unaccepting / tying your emotional outcome to their behavior?
I’m struggling a little to really understand where “control” begins and ends in terms of parenting. TIA.