I went to meet a therapist to talk about my relationship with my husband. She gave the idea that I could ask my husband to come back with him to have a couple therapy (a few sessions). I know your advice is to work on one’s own thoughts and drop the manual. So I wasn’t sure about this idea to ask my husband about a couple therapy. But it’s been two years I’m practicing the model and I wonder if I really want to change some of my thinking about my couple. Right now I’m quite excited about the idea to ask him to give it a try.

C Ask my husband to go the therapist together
T It will revitalize our couple
F excited
A ask him, prepare arguments, present it with enthusiasm, listen to his answer
R I show up as an invested and enthusiastic partner

I know he will not be very enthusiastic about the idea. Could I put “he says no” in the c line? I would predict there are 99% odds he says “no” (at least the first time I talk about it) so I get prepared?

UM
C My husband says “no, I don’t want to go”
T He doesn’t want to invest in our couple the way I want to
F irritated
A criticize him, shut up and pout, isolate, don’t ask him questions, don’t listen to him
R I invest in separate myself from him

IM
C My husband says “no, I don’t want to go”
T I want to respect his choices no matter what they are
F acceptance
A listen to him, ask him questions, don’t put pressure on him, don’t talk about it for a while, say: “Ok, I totally understand, thank you for listening.”, don’t judge him
R I show up as the respectful partner I want to be

C My husband says “no, I don’t want to go”
T This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be excited about this idea
F acceptance
A breathe, don’t react from irritation, observe myself (thoughts and feelings), give my arguments from my point of view, don’t judge myself
R I accept myself as I am

Thank you for your feedback!