Court date next week

I have myself all worked up in a tizzy – full out fight/flight/freeze fear. I am totally aware that my thoughts are causing this fear and that my circumstance is neutral. I have not been buffering with food (my go to) and trying to feel the anxiety/fear/panic and perhaps this is what processing emotions feels like but it’s pretty intense. I have a huge story and many thoughts about all of this and definitely making it a big deal in my head. This is the most painful thought:

c: court date next week
t: I can’t handle this on my own
f: afraid
a: distract myself by looking at my phone, cry, clench my jaw, obsess and worry, try to figure out what to do
r: am totally not present and preoccupied with all my thoughts and feelings, am exhausted and can’t handle things

c: court date next week
t: This is way too hard to deal with
f: sad
a: obsess and worry, don’t work on my business, wallow in stories, stress out
r: I make it all super hard in my mind

c: court date next week
t: it’s my flurry of thoughts that are causing all the anxiety and fear and those are all optional
f: aware
a: coach myself, reach out for help, work on staying in watcher mode, breathe, get some rest, identify the feelings in my body
r: Calmer and have some distance from all the fear

This is similar to what I was working on last week but the court date ‘seemed’ like a bigger trigger and feelings more intense – it just feels terrible and I’m wiped. I’m staying with it though and know that the only way through is through.