At my work, a coworker who was an external consultant got promoted into a senior role earlier this year. I was very depressed and angry for months because I made it mean that I was not liked or respected enough at work. I’ve used coaching to find alternative thoughts like “This is good because X” or “I am learning how to better advocate for myself because of this.” This works during the day. At night, I experience a surge of anger about the situation. I sometimes can’t sleep. A few times, I’ve written emails (about unrelated things) that were driven by this anger, but during the day I am a very cheerful person to my coworkers. This makes me wonder if I’m gaslighting myself with all these intentional models about the situation. Maybe the situation just sucks! Maybe learning to live with it, with a smile on my face is just making things worse!

I’ll try my hand at a model:
C: A consultant was hired at a higher level than most department coworkers.
T: That asshole was playing on my sympathies for over a year to make her look good in the eyes of leadership.
F: Enraged
A: Avoid new coworker. Act like a Cheshire cat (fake smile and cheeriness) to her when I do have to work with her, secretly hating her the whole time. Word emails to her in an over the top positive way (“Wow, what an amazing idea, thank you, Julie!!”) or in tricky ways that are back-handed compliments (“Looking forward to your feedback. To stay on schedule, we will need your comments prior to the end of the week. I apologize if last time it was unclear that we needed comments faster than a 2-month turn-around” or “Absolutely, happy to help – here’s a copy of the documents I sent you yesterday, but I’m happy to send them again if you can’t find this email in the future”) Complain about the promotion to like-minded coworkers. Write unnecessary and cranky emails to coworkers and my boss at 11 PM for no reason except to vent my anger in an innocuous way. Turn meetings on mute that involve her or anyone else who was part of this chain of events. Fantasize about her professional downfall or how she might end up looking stupid. Complain about her to anyone who will listen in my personal life. Obsess about everything she does or says at work, when I’m not avoiding her. Get a bitter attitude about work and stop showing up with enthusiasm. Imagine her one day crying as I get promoted over her. Ask to be put in separate small groups than her during training.

R: I play the role of an asshole in the eyes of leadership.

I appreciate your help with this situation.