Creating emotions of Creativity, Curiosity, Playfulness, Engagement.

Generally, my writing process is filled with dread which is problematic given that my impossible goal is writing a screenplay. I’ve started a regimen of writing every day which is good in terms of discipline, but so often when I sit down (and throughout the day), I’m filled with dread. I know that this is created by thoughts like “I’m a shitty writer” and “I’m never going to be able to do this” and “I don’t know what I’m doing” and “This is never going to be good, so it doesn’t really matter what you do.”

While, in my thought work, I’ve been trying to focus on creating feelings of (haha) focus, motivation, determination, I recently wonder if maybe part of the problem is that I’m not having a lot of fun. SO much of it is about gritting my teeth through the negative thoughts (kind of like resisting urges), and it shows in the characters and their interactions. I really enjoy improv, not because I’m any good, but it forces me to leave behind “Oh my god this is going to be shit” and just be curious and playful and see what happens. I find that a lot more difficult when I’m sitting by myself at my desk. Plus, there’s a lot of pressure for the script to be good.

I was trying to think about what my mind does during improv. “Just listen. Listen and react. Stay in the present. Stop thinking so much” But since the whole thing exists in my mind, I find that most of my mind just goes straight to negative thoughts.

I’d love some help trying to come up with thoughts I can practice, or find ladder thoughts to create those emotions for myself. Somehow, I’ve only ever been able to get myself to that place when other people push me, but I’d love to access that on my own. Thanks!