I’ve recently realized that with all the time I spend avoiding external conflict, like an interaction that would take 5 seconds and could possibly result in conflict, possibly not, I’m creating a mountain of internal conflict with my mind for hours, even days. Just wondering what the next step is, now that I see that.
Here’s my model. I know there’s another model with me getting mad about the dishes but I’m more concerned about my pattern of not expressing my thoughts in order to “avoid conflict”.
C- I’m mad about dishes on counter but don’t say anything
T- I don’t want to start a fight
A- think about all the ways he’s not contributing, stew about it for hours, blow it out of proportion, beat myself up for not saying anything again
R- I’m fighting in my mind
Does that seem right? How can I start to change this pattern? I want my action to be to say something when something bothers me instead of internalizing and amplifying the conflict.