I am currently working in the healthcare profession, and am applying to work with children because I no longer wish to work within a hospital environment. The job that I am applying to is not my dream job, but tolerable enough to allow me to earn a steady salary, good benefits, etc. for my family. Although I am making this shift, I am still thinking that I would love to do something creative for money. I have always been very creative, but was discouraged and embarrassed by family members which made me subconsciously suppress that part of me. I have enjoyed photography and interior design as hobbies as an adult, but always stop once I really start getting pretty good or others compliment/disregard my work. I am recognizing this as self-sabotaging behavior, but tell myself that I don’t want the pressure of making money doing something that I love. Meanwhile, I am so inspired by other people who make money doing something creative, and get frustrated with myself for being confused and indecisive.

Here are my models-

C- Work in field at hospital with shift to new job in school setting.
T- I can never figure out what I should do creatively to make money.
F- Frustrated.
A- Start hobbies then stop, create imaginary stories in my head of starting businesses with hobbies then tell myself that I would never want the pressure of doing a hobby as a job; suppress my creativity- just do “regular” things, recall mockery from relatives from childhood when I was creative; spin in confusion.
R- Do nothing creatively to earn money. —————————.

C- same
T-I am trying to learn to not suppress my creativity.
A-Do what I enjoy without unnecessary demands, expectations, etc; don’t explain what I am doing or why to other people unless I choose to- never wait for their opinion; Remind myself that creativity is a gift.
R- Express creativity

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.