I had a crush on a man I’ve met through work. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him. I hardly know him anyway, we met twice, for an interview and for a lunch.

I’m married, we have a daughter with my husband, I am happy in my marriage but not really “in love” with my husband, it’s rather a family and day to day oriented relationship.

So I observe myself being obsessed with this guy. This is a thing I’ve been really used to do since I’m a teenager, having a crush and obsessing over a person. I know now it doesn’t mean I should start a relationship with this person and I don’t want to judge myself for obsessing about a person. But I’d like to understand the process to gain consciousness about it. Right now, it’s like I don’t have any control over it, it’s like it’s happening to me. But intellectually I know it’s me who is creating it with my thoughts.

My action line is: ruminating about this guy, going on Instagram to look for his account, looking if he liked my last post, listening to his podcast, picturing myself kissing him. I also want to like his posts on Instagram, to send him a message, to read his books (I am not doing that because I think “it’s ridiculous” which is another model).
I feel in love, connected, fascinated.
I think: I could be intimate with him, I’ve already shared deep things with him, we could be soulmates, we could be close, I like him, what he does is so interesting.

It seems to me that this model appears all the time, so the circumstance could be anything.

I’ve tried to focus on a special circumstance.
C in the train, I’m going to an event
T This is an important event to me and I want to share with someone I feel close to
F desire
A think about this guy, write a post on Instagram, check my account over and over to see if he liked my post, check his account, ruminate about him, picture myself kissing him
R I create an imaginary romantic relationship with this guy

It’s like I’m putting a lot of time and energy in this relationship which is not useful to me.

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