Hi Brooke,
Thank you so much!
My original unintentional thoughts caused feelings of resentment and guilt and anger.

I really like the new model you suggested.

After the event, I texted him to explain that I left has nothing against him but I simply didn’t want to hold space for his emotions. He replied saying, I understand that you are filtering out things in order to focus on your goals, maybe when you achieve them, you will reassess what’s meaningful to you.

My old original unintentional model came up the same again
T: He’s trying to make me feel bad
F: Resentful
A: Ignore message
R: I bury the grudge with old shit

This is just the same old pattern I repeated over the last 10 years married, and still not completely gotten over with after 3 years of divorce. Where I “think” that he was always saying things to make me feel guilty about not caring enough, hinting that I was selfish. There were many times he actually said it. I can also see that my step-mom used to say the same things about me when I was growing up. So for a long long time, I used to just pour out care and deplete myself because I didn’t want to look selfish until I was so depressed that I ended up in the hospital’s emergency room.

Now that I am prioritizing self-care, self-love, and try to consciously manage my brain and thoughts, there sometimes is still a lingering of guilt. And this C is simply triggering that old thought pattern in me.

How do I get past this once and for all? Thank you!