So these are the thoughts running in my head right now:
– I suck at managing people
– I wont ever be a good leader
– I dont know how to connect with my team
– Im just giving them a bunch of instruction
– I dont know how to illicit the best in them
– I cant relate to their struggles because the job they are doing was so easy for me when was the one doing it
– I cant make them follow my instructions or the things needed to be done
– Im not inspiring enough
– We have different wave lengths and had difficulty understanding each other
– They suck
– They are so hard to train
– They are so slow (my answer to the question why dont they get it)
– They are irresponsible
– They cant do anything right
– I dont know how to discipline them
– I’m afraid to talk to them as they might talk back to me and i give in
– I cant win an argument with them
– They might resign and leave me with all the works
– They have excuses and i always give in to them
– Im not able to do responsibility given to me to lead the team
– We suck as a team
– I suck as a team leader
– I am not trained enough to be a leader
– I need guidance which nobody is giving me
– I dont know what i am doing
– This is not the best me
– May be this is not meant to be
– This might not be the right fit of job for me
– I tried and i failed
– Im better off doing other jobs
– I might be of more value to the company and to the world doing other things that i am good at
– Im not doing a good / great job
– My boss is disappointed in me
– Other leaders have it so easy
– They dont seem to have problems making their subordibates follow them without resistance
– There are others more capable than you
– Im disappointed in myself
– Im stressed
– Im anxious
– I want to be a life coach
– I want to focus on building my skills as a life coach (attend workshops, network, learn how to get clients, focus on content, master SCS, read related books)
– my ultimate goal is to be a life coach
– Though i might not be a good or great life coach since i am not able to manage my current team
– I need to learn to manage my team before i can be a life coach
– I should practice coaching first with my team
– But there is difference in managing your team and coaching other people (i have this other belief that in managing my team i am responsible for their output, while in coaching the client is still responsible for their output and my responsibility is to have them discover their limitting beliefs and how to overcome them with their own efforts)
– I need the money im getting from my salary to pay for my SCS (and i dont want to give up SCS which i am equating to i should not give up my current job)
– I want to cry
– I just want to allow these feelings of stress and anxiety
– I want to know how they feel in my body
– This is hard
– This is so uncomfortable
– I want to buffer
– I want to buy food and eat
– I want to watch while eating

I can recognize that i am indulging in confusion, victimhood and self pity. I recognize that these are not serving me. I recognize that i have the option not to think these. (Intellectually)

But i cant seem to get out of this or im choosing to get stuck on it. I tried other thoughts and bridge thought but nothing i can believe right now. Anything i tried leads me back to “but you suck at dealing with people”

Whats next coaches? Please help!