I want to cut off ties with my father. The only way to get along with him is to be fake and pretend I don’t find him to be deeply immoral person, who has never behaved as a father to me, and isn’t much of a friend. It’s true, I have a manual for how a father and friend should behave and he isn’t following it. But after nearly 50 years, I feel confident that I just don’t need this person in my life. He was never married to my mother, they were very young, and he left when I was two years old. I met him when I was about six, and I think of him more as a crappy older brother who will never own up to his bullshit. You’d think he’d try as he gets into his senior years before the the end of his life, but no. I’m sick of faking it for the sake of my half-sister, who doesn’t much like me either, because I enjoy being an aunt to her kids. The whole thing is fraught and I just want to be free of it.

I’m done pretending. I’m done trying to set boundaries and stating preferences. The result of having no connection to my father sounds WONDERFUL – I’ve done it before, before my niece and nephew were born, and I didn’t miss him at all. I missed my sister who believes every lie he tells her about me. My connection to her is much more important. Now that I’ve typed this out I realize I need a model that includes a relationship with my sister that does not have to include my father. I may find out she wants no connection to me anyway and she’s just faking it for his sake. Finding out about that scares me, I guess that is where my work is.