Dad Is In Pain And It Brings Out His Worst

My Dad has had chronic back pain for years. He refuses to lose weight and drops out of PT after just a few sessions. He continues to work on the ranch as much as he can and push through his pain. He has been told by several doctors that he needs a major back surgery and is at risk of causing permanent nerve damage if he continues his current track. In the past 6 months, he has become harder to be around…he says mean things, even to my guests at my kids birthday, and wants to only talk about his political views and how everyone else is wrong. I am chalking much of this up to his pain, as he’s a much nicer person after he has a injection in his back. Tonight, we had just finished watching my kids perform at an event and I was feeling the proud mama glow, and about to tell him something about my day that I thought he would like when he started complaining about a bunch of political stuff. I put up my hand and said stop, I don’t want to talk politics. He kept going, so I turned around, walked to my car and drove away. So my unintentional model: C: Dad T: He is mean, controlling and in pain. F: angry, hurt, righteous A: separate, withdrawal and be sensitive to his every comment R: he gets angry/hurt and acts out more. Intentional model: T: he is in pain and is delaying treatment F: frustrated that he has delayed, sad for him A: withdrawn but supportive R: he’s still angry, I still don’t want to tolerate the meanness. Can you help with a new model? Maybe I need a different T?