I am visiting my dad in another state– he is having eye surgery and I am going to be there for him during the recovery. The plan was for me to stay at his house. He has hoarder tendencies but recently quit drinking and has started cleaning. I knew the house would be bad but it is really bad. The fridge, a/c and shower don’t work. There is a smell like food has been rotting. The house is filthy and dark. My husband almost vomited when we went inside. Right now we are all at the ocean having a little getaway before the surgery, but we will return tonight. I will be getting a hotel near the house– my dad might be a little hurt but that’s ok because I do not want to stay in squalor. What I am struggling with is that I am really sad he lives like that. He lives in literal trash (like paper and old food and items that a person would normally dispose of after use. I am also sad that he has full on started drinking after going to the hospital for a week to detox. At dinner he drank 3 double margaritas plus several other drinks before and after. My tendency is to not say anything about any of this. He’s an adult and can make his own choices. But I wonder if I am making it easier on myself by not gently bringing up my concerns with the house or the drinking. I know I can’t change him but I feel like i should say something like “dad, the house is unacceptable for a human.” I guess that’s not very gentle. Do I just let him be and take care of my own needs? He’s very sensitive and I don’t want our time together to be hurtful… but it is sad that he is living this way.