Last night, my dad’s birthday was planned for 6pm. My mom was diagnosed with painful nerve inflammation on right cheek. My sister was suppose to pick up my dad at 5:45pm to bring him to the restaurant.

She calls me from his house upset telling me he just woke up from a nap, has to get ready, and my mom is also going to attend birthday with pain shooting through her face. My sister is obviously upset and tells me that she also has to go to the hospital to pick up medicine before the party even though my mom wanted to go after the party(since hospital would not be so busy). I tell her don’t worry just call me when you are leaving the hospital and then me and my two kids will head on over to the restaurant.

So we arrive at restaurant at 7pm. My mom is in pain, my sister is aggravated, and my dad is still half awake.

I am sitting next to sister who is highly agitated and I can feel her emanating energy. My mom is on the other side of me, and I can feel in emanating suffering.

All I can do is take deep breaths and stay as present as I can be in silence. Underneath, I am detoxing from sugar and flour and feel extremely toxic and grumpy. It’s day four on me eating two meals a day. My last meal being at 2pm. It almost felt unbearable, but I persisted through twiddling my fingers as everyone ate their dinner.

My sister was demanding all the attention while I am sitting in silence trying to focus on my beautiful son across from me speaking in a tech language I can not fully understand.

Sitting amongst 9 family members that I truly love and feeling so isolated and completely and utterly alone.

Normally, I am so cheerful and bubbly excited to dive into yummy delicious foods, but I had nothing to take the edge off. My sister had her alcohol and food, and I had nothing.

Can you help me with my model:

C: Dad’s Birthday
T: I connect with no one here.
F: Isolated
A: Remain silent, judging, escaping in mind, victim
R: Lonely

C: Protocol
T: Being on the protocol during a party is ridiculous.
F: Angry
A: Telling waiter I am here for the ride…not eating, passing food by me, missing cheesecake
R: I was acting ridiculous and emotionally shutting down at party.

I was lonely, angry, and grumpy at my Dad’s 92nd Birthday party.