Dare of the day, day #7! (BL)

My dare today was a tough one.

My friend’s sister and brother-in-law were murdered last month. Today is Christina’s birthday; she would have been 28. My dare today was to call my friend’s parents.

Having completed the dare, I’m crying my eyes out. I’m glad that I did it, but I’m feeling very sad (not self confident at all). I know that self confidence grows from being willing to feel any emotion, and I’m willing to feel this pain…but it still feels hard and shitty.

I feel like I am starting to trust myself more to do hard things, but it still feels hard and scary (instead of what I think of as confidence, which is a feeling of sureness).

Part 2 of my question is that in some cases, I’m having trouble creating a thought that genuinely creates self-confidence in the second model. Today I had to move from a place of fear to just a place of neutrality, but I couldn’t quite get to a feeling of self confidence for this phone call. Does that make sense?