Dare


Hi Brooke. Yesterday’s live call kicked my ass and blew my mind. You SO rock. Your intro talk about DOING the work – I honestly felt like you were speaking directly to me (plus I was really glad I hadn’t scheduled a coaching call and no-showed). I even started squirming, I got so uncomfortable.

I’ve been in SCS since March and my life is changing in so many positive ways…I have lost 25 pounds, for one. And yet. In late March a situation came up with my elderly parents that rocked my world. I wrote to you about that and your advice helped me SO much. Then in early April my father passed away. Throughout, I have stayed with my SCS but I admit, only in a half-assed type of way. I KNOW I should be doing thought downloads (lots and lots of thoughts in the background that are creating feelings and results I don’t want) but I only think about them in theory and then think “Yeah, I know this already” and don’t act on the issue.

I’m still buffering tons with Facebook, online shopping and procrastinating. I wallow in indecision and “I don’t know.” I tell myself that that there is something wrong with me that this work can’t get through to me in an authentic way. And I give myself exceptions to my eating protocol all the time.

I also resisted the homework on April’s focus, telling myself I am one of those people who do better without calendaring and planning, and in May I stopped my relationship homework because it brought up too many feelings (my first two relationships were my deceased dad and my step-mom who I now am assisting in the wake of my dad’s death (she was very physically dependent upon him as she does not drive and has some physical disabilities).

I am stuck at the edge of breaking through the 200 lb weight zone but I stop myself from breaking through every week and then make excuses for why I “can’t” break through. I can apply your work to other people’s problems but I never want to apply it to my own life. I listen to your podcasts and the live calls and read all the Ask Brooke Q&As, but I am pretty sure it has been a case of consuming for entertainment.

Basically I have been floating around the edges of SCS, applying what appeals to me in small increments but never doing the heavy, necessary work. Although I knew it was June 5 yesterday, it had not occurred to me that I had not even opened June’s workbook yet. And halfway through yesterday’s call, I walked away to have a stress cigarette (another intention I’ve done half-assedly: stopping smoking for good) because I definitely was having the feels and it was all too much for me. Or so I thought.

After the call, I opened my workbook. I thought, It’s not to late to do a dare yet today. I dared myself to be honest and vulnerable with a friend who means much to me on our walk later that evening – I have a really hard time being vulnerable in relationships and tend to hide behind a snarky “I’m cool with that” persona. So I did this, and I felt awkward and weak and embarrassed, but I also felt wonderful. When I returned home, I opened my planner (I do use one after April’s work because so much of what you said about scheduling made so much sense, but I skip days at a time and don’t do even a quarter of what I’ve scheduled) and realized I still had plenty of time to do a lot of what I’d planned for the day. So I did it.

Then I planned my dare for today which is to do what I am doing now- give an honest accounting of my participation so far in SCS to you. When I was thinking about it last night, I was thinking I want to show up for you….but honestly, it was hearing you say, “How you show up for this is probably how you show up for everything” gave me a punch in the gut because it really hit home that I was not – hardly ever – showing up for myself. On purpose. So this is my dare, and it is for me. Thank you for this amazing gift of SCS – I used to browse your website all the time dreaming that I would one day have the $ to be coached by you. When you announced SCS and I saw that I could now afford it….that was scary because one, I didn’t trust myself to stay with it; two, I now had the opportunity to be coached by you but that terrifies me because I have a neurological facial tic that embarrasses me and gets worse when I’m stressed, and three, I knew if I REALLY did this work, I would have to change. I signed up anyway and it is pretty much bringing up everything I feared…which I now understand is a good thing. So thank you.
PS – the VIP features you are adding…are you kidding me? Just wow. Wow.