After overcoming drama about dating online or IRL, I finally got myself to do massive action and start talking to guys. I found a guy and we hit it off from the beginning and like each other very much, to the point that he is coming to visit me next month (he lives in another country). I’ve watched the 90 days relationship training course and I’m excited to apply what I can even though our relationship is virtual right now. So, I’ve been keen about getting to know each other better and in one of our conversations he mentioned that he does marihuana occasionally, and he has done cocaine in the past and wouldn’t mind doing it if someone offers at a party. He doesn’t do this often because he gets tested at work, so it’s not like he is an addict. He also takes these nicotine lozenges/gum. Nicotine has side effects, and he has high cholesterol, which doesn’t combine well with nicotine. He also drinks daily and owns guns. These whole drugs and alcohol thing is new to me, I like him but I’m scared about his habits. I feel like I might be stretching myself a lot with this guy being new to dating after years, but all that apart, he is perfect, we are getting along fairly well and I’m enjoying our interactions and details he has with me.
So, I’m trying to look at the good things this guy has to offer instead of focusing on the things that “are wrong”, and get curious. But recently I found myself starting to introduce my thoughts onto him to try to change him. Bottom line, I want to enjoy this relationship we have and put aside the rest without ignoring myself. I also want someone to share life with, not someone who dies on me because of his bad habits. I’m aware that I am not supposed to look for easy relationship if I want to grow. So, I want to go thru this experience, but how to go thru it without judgement and wanting to change his habits? Thank you!!!