Dating: Avoiding people pleasing

Hi Coaches 🙂

I am dating again after a long term relationship. In my past relationship I people pleased my partner A LOT and this was something that our relationship was founded on. I rarely listened to my own preferences, and, particularly in the first half of our relationship, would often change to whatever he wanted to do (from which peanut butter we bought all the way to where we lived).

What I have recently uncovered is that I thought these sacrifices of my preference, were offered as an act of love to him. This was never an act of love to myself. So I’m keen to learn a new way to experience life.

Now I am dating again and I’m practicing honouring my preferences in that sphere. Recently I didn’t honour myself and it simply made no sense!! The background is: I’ve arranged to stay over at my date’s house. We’re on the way back from the date. My overnight bag is in the car and I want to have it in the apartment otherwise I’ll have to come down by myself. We are walking past the car…

C: I notice the thought “get your overnight bag now from the car”.
T: But what if he thinks I’m not staying the night
F: Foolish
A: Dont act, keep walking past and up to the apartment.
R: Dont have my things in the apartment. Look like a fool for not being organised (!).

– Could you please check my model
– Do you have any insights to this behaviour and
– Do you have any advice on questions I can ask myself to understand this better or anything in the study vault that will help me honour my preferences?