Hi, I’ve been pseudo-dating during covid. Mostly guys that are 10 years younger and are not interested in a relationship. I’m on the apps and I’ve seen this person that I knew if I swiped right we would match and it would be a thing, like an emotionally mature thing. We knew each other many years ago and I had a crush on him then.

We went on a date and I felt wonderful and safe with him and had a really good time. He was so curious about me, smart, and an excellent conversationalist!

I was squirrelly and anxious during the goodbye. I’m attracted to him but my thoughts are out of shape:
UM:
C: Second date with emotionally mature guy
T: I’m not ready to be vulnerable and open myself to intimacy
F: Scared
A: Self-sabotage, make a million excuses to not go on date, be aloof and anxious if I do go on date, find all the bad things about him.
R: I don’t enjoy myself and repel him in the meantime.

IM:
C: Second date with emotionally mature guy
T: This is right where I’m supposed to be in my self-love work and I can take it slow
F: Calmer
A: Focus on how I am doing/feeling during the date, work to not people please, be transparent about where I am, connect with him in an authentic way, be curious, practice inviting intimacy in
R: Enjoy myself and connect

But I find myself oscillating between the two and the panic grabs me at the same time as I think to be steady and slow. Should I just be reminding myself that it’s my brain chattering? Or do I need more ladder thoughts? Or, do I have to adjust the C line to be about me?

Thanks!