I’m having a lot of T’s and F’s around dating and want to work on not making the other person’s behaviour mean anything about me.
Right now I’m having a manual for someone I’ve been on dates with:
If he hasn’t responded to my message he doesn’t like me
If he hasn’t asked me out again by X time, he doesn’t like me
If he doesn’t initiate contact, he doesn’t like.
I’m not bothered by this ‘behaviour’ that I think ‘proves’ someone doesn’t like me if I don’t particularly like them, so I know the behaviour is neutral.
But if I like the guy (I’m thinking of a recent guy I REALLY LIKE), I make the thought ‘ he doesn’t like me’ mean I am not a worthy person, I am not good enough to be liked by this person that I think is good enough for me to like.
Does that make sense?
I’m finding all of this so distracting.
C: Person doesn’t do something
T: he doesn’t like me
A: play back dates and convo’s in head looking for evidence, do not get on with calendared tasks, obsess, constantly check phone, mourn over imaginary shared futures
R: I don’t like me.
How can I use this work to find peace and actually get on with my life while I wait to see how this dating thing unfolds, without having to rush to a conclusion?
I want to be able to untangle his actions from my feelings about myself. I know intellectually his actions don’t cause my feelings, my thoughts do.
Thanks for helping me