Daughter says me being her mother means nothing to her


My teen daughter avoids me. She doesn’t want to talk, she hates hugging, she doesn’t say I love you. She gives me one word answers and tries to get away from me as fast as she can. It recently came up again that she hates hugging and was mad because I “make” her hug me. Today I told her that I would give this up because I know she doesn’t like it and she got angry with me because she didn’t understand why I’m giving it up now instead of years ago. I told her that as her mother this was hard for me to give up because she’s my daughter and I want to hug her. She got mad again because it’s always about what I want and she thinks that she doesn’t matter to me. She asked why it’s so important that I hug her and I told her “because I’m your mother”. She said “that means nothing to me.” No matter how I tried to explain it to her she just kept getting angrier and angrier. Yes, in it’s most basic form I wanted to hug her and she didn’t want to. But she has zero understanding of the situation and the fact that mothers usually want to hug their kids. She was just so cold and unfeeling about the whole thing. I don’t know how I raised a daughter who has such little regard for other people, especially me. I’m very sad and upset about this. I have a sinking, hollow feeling inside because I feel like I completely failed her if she refuses to show an ounce of empathy for anyone. I don’t see how I can find the intentional model out of this one. It feels hopeless.