Day 10 and my dad

So I’m struggling with why I believe my dad acts as he does. I’m not sure I really know my dad honestly. Growing up and even still now, he tries to control everything. I notice that in myself and have really become much better at managing my mind around that but have really struggled with thoughts about my father. Even when I go for dinner at his house he tells me what cup to drink out of, that I should heat my plate up even though I don’t want to. Instead of feeling angry I just want to say I prefer to use this cup feeling without feeling resentful. I know this may sound silly but those small things are big in my mind and I do not want to be in reactionary mode with him any longer.I feel like after a few hours of him I’m drained and I don’t wish to feel that way any longer. I also go into emotional childhood and act like a child around him because he treats me this way. This no longer serving me. He has also always done whatever he wants even when my siblings and I were little kids. He only came to the events that he enjoyed which was really just my brother’s hockey games. He was always the mean dictator type parent and I was afraid to upset him. As an adult, I just react and get angry. I’m better now because of my work through SCS but am still not over it obviously. I want to think of my dad as selfless and caring which I don’t feel yet and want to love him just as he is. Help!