I wrote in and got an answer: I wrote in a few days ago (How to Enjoy Being You Day 1) with some model help and I liked the suggestions I got. I struggled again in day 2 and today and would like some more guidance. I keep feeling like my models are lifeless and I’m not getting much out of them and I want to! I got a lot out of what was given to me when I wrote in the other day. Though I think I would like to feel frustrated about pollution on the trails, but because I saw another model, I was curious what could be more useful than frustration there. Ultimately, I would like the world to be clean (and other people to care because I don’t think it’s my job to clean up after them, hence my frustration).

In terms of Day 3, I am feeling stuck similarly with the models. I picked a few judgements I made and put them into the model. I’ve changed their name here just in case someone knows me/them in scholars haha:

C My ex says “If we get to” in response to me wanting to go to the beach with him and hoping he will say he wants that too
T He should change his thinking and be able to admit to wanting me
F annoyed
A ask him why he can’t just say he wants it/pick an argument, (even though I understand his situation being deported is hard for him to imagine a future)
R argue with him

Hmm this one feels hard to explain. I didn’t really care that I was arguing with him because it was a repeat of the same history for us, which I think I’ve grown numb to, but I do think I have to dig feelings out of him because he doesn’t usually say what his face is expressing to me. I try to take people’s words, but I struggle with that when I think I can read their facial expressions and feel what’s going on (Empath). So I think he wants me again but because he’s deported, he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of me and doesn’t believe 100% that he will see me again. So therefore, doesn’t say he wants me. I get frustrated because I want to hear that from him and I want to see him believe in a better future and am tired of fighting for him (He was my ex for 2 years before getting deported, but his deportation reconnected us and I think he sees my value now, but still won’t talk much about it). >_<

Anyways, I tried another with a different person:

C Mike makes a comment like “It’s just a dog, you know?” when ex’s dog dies
T Mike should be more empathetic
F Angry
A think about how I don’t like him
R ? Feel annoyed? (but this is a feeling so I am confused)

I also tried
A Hang out with him less often
R peace of mind

But I don’t think either of these are right? Can feelings be in the result line?

Answer:
“Argue with him” is in your A line, not your R line. Your result is “I should change my thinking that he should be anything but what he is.”

Same thing goes for your second model. Your result is “I should be more empathetic.” You aren’t putting yourself in his shoes and trying to understand his experience. You’re judging him, which is not very empathetic.

Notice how every time you think someone else should show up differently, your result is that you should show up differently. When we think someone should be different, we rarely show up the way we want to.

Do a few more models with a SHOULD about someone else in your T line. Make your A line much robust. Think of all the things you do, all the things you don’t do, all the things you forget to do, all the things you do in your head… and find how you should be showing up differently in your R line.

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I didn’t think we were supposed to should ourselves or other people? So how would the result line be “I should change my thinking.” Isn’t that a thought?
I continued to do some practice and still struggled..

C J makes a joke when I’m trying to have a serious conversation
T He should be more serious
F frustrated
A solidify my belief of he should be more serious
R never try to have a serious conversation again

^ this is what I think happened, but I do want to have serious conversations with this person. So now even though I think he cant, I keep trying anyways as if I could change him which is also silly. How do I correct this?