Daycare empathy gone too far!


Hi Coaches,
Thanks for all the good work you are doing – it is helping a ton!
I have been trouble shooting and problem solving with respect to the schedule my husband and I have to make to accommodate having our 2 year old and 10 year old at home with us. He works a regular work hours type job and has to make calls throughout the day to clients and have Zoom meetings with his work team. I on the other hand am essentially creating my own business by working towards running my own lab, which requires for me to read papers and formulate experiments and think deeply about complex biologic processes in order to write a comprehensive grant for funding. I have accepted and decided on purpose to do my work during the hours of 5-10am and then take over with the kids for most of the day until 4:30pm. That has been working okay, unless I also do the “night shift” with our daughter which entails multiple waking up at night to calm her when she cries. On one particular day I was both physically and mentally tired and had a 4:30pm Zoom call with a couple of medical residents who wanted to show me some clinical cases that I was ultimately responsible for. My husband knew it was happening and was prepared to take our daughter but then couldn’t get her off of me without her throwing a fit. So I managed my thoughts and went with the flow on allowing my daughter to crawl all over me during an important clinical meeting. It was fine, and I was fine with the circumstance given that we can’t control her actions and she is a toddler after all.
I went upstairs totally drained and started making dinner – again, not a problem, I always make dinner. My husband and I start discussing a recent email that our home daycare center director sent out to everyone asking for 50% of normal payment for the month of May to help keep her business afloat. There was no way I was going to pay her when I was also losing money at work due to low clinical volume (in my particular department) and I was also working two jobs – her job of taking care of my daughter and my job of pushing my business forward. I was fine with my decision and in fact already thinking about how I would manage finding someone else to pay in order to fill the need we had. My husband on the other hand was chilling on the sofa empathizing with her business possibly going under, while I was trying to cook dinner with a toddler hanging off of me. I main thought that keeps recurring and what set me off and left me crying and abandoning cooking dinner all together to go take a nap and take care of myself, was why can’t he be empathetic towards me and MY business over hers?? She drives a fucking BMW and lives in a fancy neighborhood – what makes him think that she can’t figure out her own problems? I know there is an element of pity party and victim mentality here, but it just seemed like I was so tired and pushed to the edge that his lack of awareness was more than I could self coach myself down from.
Even when I do unintentional and intentional models and think about this C line statements in a way that reminds me of how much he cares about his family, it really feels like his words and his actions are mismatched here.