C : Friends wanted to throw a milestone birthday for me. Asked me for guest list. Gave 35 names. Evite was sent out to 35 guests for an outdoor party in September. Most guests know one another. Covid surge has started in my state. Hosts and I decided to postpone the party due to safety concerns (mainly for some of my family adult members who are not vaccinated). Main organizer is now pushing to go ahead with the party, but asking me to reduce guest list to max 20 people (to allow for more social distancing).

Thoughts: Cutting the guest list will hurt some people. I don’t like being forced to “have the party” now and cut the list to do it. I don’t know how to shorten the list without offending some people. The organizer is putting the responsibility of this on me. Having to cut the list will spoil the fun I will feel in this party, knowing I had to cut some people out. My family members who are unvaccinated will be upset if I cut them.

Feelings : disappointed, stuck, torn

Behavior: I am ignoring her request to cut the party size down as 1/2 the guests will know I dis-invited them. Want to tell the organizer to make the decision who to invite as she is hosting the party and I don’t feel comfortable making this decision. Thinking about insisting on postponing the party until after the covid surge, even if that means next year.

Result : I act in a way that disrespects the hosts or I hurt guests’ feelings. I show up at the party feeling negative. I resent the host for putting me in this difficult situation. Cancel the party all together and miss out on a wonderful celebration with a smaller group of friends.