Dealing with anger


Hello Scholars’ Team,

I feel a lot of ANGER and HATE for my ex-husband, with whom I have a son in common, and so far I have not been able to change those feelings despite the 5-year period since we broke up. Most times, I wish I could hit him in the face!

I am having trouble with the T line of the model as I have many negative thoughts about him. The model that I kept using for all those years is (I guess):
C- My husband left me
T- what a jerk
F- anger, enraged
A- I am rude to him and always talk to him from a place of hate
R- He gets rude too and I get even more enraged

I can see how changing the T-line will affect the end result but I don’t know how to put it into practice. I could use a different model like:
C- My husband left me
T- Great! I am much better without him (which rationally I do believe that already!)
F- Relieved
A- I am kind and talk, when needed, nicely to him
R- He is kind and talks, when needed, nicely to me

Rationally, I truly believe in the Thought that I am much better without him but when I see him I cannot put that into practice!
Also, I still think and talk a lot about him on a daily basis….

How can I change this behavioral pattern?