Hi,
How do I deal with blame from others? My husband has told me he is still hanging onto and upset about things from our past relationship that are resurfacing now. He is making comments about me quitting my job to grow my business (which has started making more than my current job). He says things like “I’m not sure you will follow through” and other fear based thoughts. He says his thoughts are valid because of past experience but that he “doesn’t want to get into it.” I find myself spending a lot of effort trying to convince him that I am 100% all in — which I am, but he is having a lot of fear around my career change. When he is in a bad mood he blames me for him having to work, him having to live in the house we live in, us “being broke,” etc. Its like he’s on a different planet than me because I love my job, don’t feel broke and love our house. When he’s in a good mood (which is most of the time) he is supportive and wanting to help out. When he blames me for HIS choices I feel I need to stand up for myself but it is getting me nowhere. I want to get to a place where I can let him be him and I can move forward with my life decisions without worrying about the negative things he says.

UM
C: Husband says words
T: Why is he blaming me for HIS life decisions?
F: Anger
A: try to argue/explain my side, experience anxiety, try to control the conversation by avoiding certain triggering subjects, buffer, put less energy into my business, question myself like he is questioning me
R: Anxiety about our relationship and business

UM:
C: Husband Says words
T: I need to prove to him that I can pull this off
F: Pressure
A: buffer, procrastinate, act over confident to prove that I am going to do what I say
R: I do not work on my business as much

IM:
C: Husband says words
T?
F: ?
A:?
R: I work on my business using my own desire and determination as fuel