Dealing with Defensiveness


Hi Brooke!

First month-er here! Loving it so far!

My question is:

I want to be a coach- but people getting defensiveness scares me. I think one of the issues I’ve faced is that as I have become more fascinated and have pursued coaching more… when I try to talk to my friends/ offer them coaching I do run into a lot of defensiveness. I think I put the coach hat on when people don’t ask for it LOL! One time my cousin was venting to me about how her sex life is horrible but she is also expected her partner to read her mind… I started asking questions and she started getting so defensive and raising her voice at me so I had to tell her that I didn’t feel comfortable continuing a conversation like this and then I got out of the car. She then proceeded to apologize vehemently. We had a conversation about it later… but it still made me SO uncomfortable! But I’m actually proud of how I handled that!

So, the first part of my question is- can I say when someone is being defensive? Like, is that something I could call out- not that I would do it, but is that for me judge? Like, could I have told my cousin- hey, you’re being a little defensive and raising your voice. I’m a solution minded person- so if you want to dump on me, you can! But I’m gonna hit you with some questions and solutions! Go dump in your journal lol!

The second part of my question is- how do you deal with this as a coach? I don’t like the energy of defensiveness and I feel that you can’t really engage in coaching with a defensive mindset… how would you handle this?

I just finished your Entrepreneur training and it seems like one of the things you have done is that you have made sure to place yourself and brand yourself as the teacher… so you can SHOW UP as the coach aka people know they came here to be challenged. I hope to be able to cultivate this in my future coaching biz!

If I put this into the model I know I can only control my own thoughts and my own actions… so if people get defensive, that’s on them right?! But still- I totally catch myself getting scared when people get all defensive!!

Thanks Brooke!