Dealing with teenagers

I have two teenage daughters. Like many teenagers they have openly express their displeasure at things I say and do. I know some of this is normal, but I have a hard time not taking it personally. I feel very judged by them, and I make their actions mean that they don’t like me and thus there must be something wrong with me. That creates the emotion of shame. This drives actions such as ruminating about this, being needy with them and my husband, and buffering with food. The result is that I lose respect for myself and drives them away further. What are some new ways I can think about their actions? Deep down I do want them to like me and it hurts that they don’t seem to.