Debrief –

I had a scenario today happen. It was emotional, hard and annoying.

It really rattled me.

At dinner I could feel myself buffering, and I had to work hard at remaining present to my kids and husband. I was upset and annoyed and pissed off at the person involved for stealing my peace.

As I have felt through this, it has been curious to see what I do. I came to a place of peace that it was meant to happen this way. I didn’t like it…oh well.

It made me see how often I give that to other people – they steal my peace.

And it is amazing that while I intellectually know that they don’t, I still think that and of course then feel a lack of peace.

But what I don’t totally understand is that on some level I like feeling this way. Even though I don’t. I like it because I don’t have to take responsibility. And there is some sort of blow off of emotion when I can blame another person.

What’s with that? Why does that feel good?
It seems weird.