My partner and I are searching for an apartment in CA, where he lives. I plan to move from NY to CA in May. His current lease is up at the end of February, and he wants to have a space secured at the start of March. I want to be supportive, and not invalidate his feelings of stress and drive, but also not get swept up in urgency and wind up with a rental that we don’t want.

He is consistently supportive of me being involved in the process, but I find I take myself out of it with thoughts like he’s the one “taking the lead” on this (as he’s in CA), and my part is to “show up realistically but also openly and fully for whatever options he proposes.” I’m finding it doesn’t sit well with me to plan to accommodate someone else’s choices, yet that is the position my thoughts are creating for me.

Unintentional Models
C: We have not selected an apartment. Partner says he “wants to have a lease signed by 3/1.”
T: We have to find something in a few days
F: Urgency
A: Searching outside parameters, compromising on most-desired features, scheduling visits
R: Pursuing less-than-ideal options

C: We have not selected an apartment. Partner says he “wants to have a lease signed by 3/1.”
T: We may not find what we were searching for, but we can make any space work.
F: Resilient (also inferior)
A: Encouraging
R: Proud of teamwork but also feeling a little lost and unheard/not seen.

I’d love some help with an intentional model. Thank you!