Decision Wavering


I have been married for over 20 years and we have recently discussed separating (it’s been over 2 months since the first talk). I thought I processed this decision. I’ve done lots of models and thought work. We have been living together as we try to navigate the finances and housing. Now, that I have secured housing, I am wavering in my decision (and still buffer more than I want to), based largely on some words from my husband. When we first started discussing the issue, I was hoping that he would say that he loved me and wanted to work on it but that didn’t happen. One of our major issues is communication. I over-talk. He avoids talking as much as possible. He now says, “maybe you should stay and we could work on communication?” For me, that seems like a pretty tentative invitation but it still prompted confusion about my decision. (I know these are my own thoughts.) I say I don’t know what I want to do but if I ask myself what I would do if I did know, it’s to move forward with the separation.

Here’s what I’m doing to process all of this. I got the questions from a stop buffering question but I think they apply to this situation.
Ask myself what emotions I am trying to avoid? sadness, regret, fear
Ask myself what my thoughts are that cause these emotions? I’m losing something that I thought would last forever, I’ve failed at marriage again (it’s my 2nd), I’m not lovable in a lifetime way, I’m too much for anyone (I have a big personality), He just isn’t in love with me anymore but won’t say it, This might be a mistake, My new life might not be better, etc.

I did thought downloads on each emotion. For example:
Sadness:
I was never able to make this a family.
I will miss his extended family.
I’ve hurt my stepson.
My husband doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved.
I’m not lovable.

Doing this helps me sit with these uncomfortable emotions but I still feel confusion rising at times. Is there anything else I could be doing to coach myself through this challenging time?