Decisions Workbook Day 2

I’ve chosen to do the homework from the Decisions workbook for this month and I am on day 2.

I picked a challenging first decision to make a model about: NOT making a decision to go ahead and sell everything and start traveling the world alone OR wait and save money (and wait to find a man to go with me).

Brooke talks about how not making a decision is a decision so I chose this one because I wanted to pick it apart

A: indecision, not making a decision to travel now and figure it out as I go or save more money/build an online business THEN travel
R: not really doing either

I was having trouble putting down the T line because I have a MULTITUDE of thoughts that led to the indecision and I don’t know how to pick just one. The next 2 exercises are to write about the decision, but I didn’t feel like I could go on without narrowing down a thought?

I had conflicting thoughts about it. My dream is to travel the world with my husband, but how I do it has never really been an issue. I’ve thought it would be fun to experience new things and just say “f*ck it” and go and find work along the way and stay in work away programs, but I haven’t found someone willing to do that and I feel scared thinking “what if we run out of money and have to come back? what if we break up because it’s so bad? what if we can’t come up with more money?” things like that. (I want to note, I don’t even have a husband!)

And then I think what am I wasting time for waiting on a man to show up? What if I just travel and I meet the man along the way? So I consider traveling alone.. And here I have conflicting thoughts:

What if I can’t handle my gut health issues (that seem to have worsened over time)?
-I’ll get sicker (so what? I won’t be able to do anything. I’ll have a miserable life. I’ll have to go back to moms and parents will be mad. I’ll be a failure)
-I’ll get stuck
-I’ll die
What if I’m all alone and get sick? (I traveled to Guatemala for 6 months, but in a program where I got really lucky and had a home stay mom who took care of me and a doctor who made house calls. I don’t think I would always have this!)
-I’ll die
-I’ll get so sick, I’ll have to come home (and start over)
I can’t go alone, i need help.
What happens if I run out of money?
-I’ll need my dad to save me and he will lecture me and be disappointed in me
-I’ll have to come home and start over (and that is bad!)
-I’ll have to clean houses again (and I don’t want to)

VS. I could save and build up an online business and THEN travel the world with my husband less worried about money
-That could take my whole life
-I’ll be too old and sick to really enjoy travel at that point
-I will be tied down to your business
-I’ll never be able to earn enough money
-I don’t even know what I would do.
-I don’t want to be sitting in a foregin place on my computer for 40 hours a week, that’s not really travel
-How am I supposed to learn how to make enough money to travel ($100k a year??) in only 4 hours a week? (I think I’d be happy even if I had to work 10 hours a week! but 4 hour work week would be amazing!)
-I’m never going to reach that dream

So I get stuck in this ebb and flow of working really hard for a while, then taking lots of time off and going to do my thing (because my mental health is important too and I start to lose it after a while of busting butt) so essentially I never made a decision because I “can’t figure out” which one I’d rather do. Where do I go from here in the HW exercise?