This is my second month of scholars. I’ve been going through the material slowly, and as I was reading the booklet “How to Feel Better” I realized that a lot of what I feel on a regular basis is anxiety based on a belief I’ve had since I was very young. My mom told me stories of when I was learning how to do things that I’d weep and cry “I CAN’T DO IT” anytime I failed or something was hard. I realized that this hasn’t gone away, instead this thought (that I know I’m thinking) is creating this feeling of anxiety (that I know I’m creating) anytime something “new” comes my way.

The other strange thing is that I prove myself wrong all. the. time. During college, I’d weep: “I can’t do it” and yet, I graduated. While training and running the marathon, I thought it, but still ran 26.2 miles. It happens when I’m hiking, yet I get to the top of the mountain. It happens at work, and yet I succeed. No matter how many times I prove myself wrong, I can’t seem to shake the anxiety or the thought.

After being in scholars, conceptually, I understand the model, and I take responsibility for my thought. I know it’s mine. It might not have been when I was young (someone probably said something, that I accepted). The emotion is also mine, and when I’m feeling it, I can take responsibility for it and say: “Yes, this anxiety is mine, and yes the thought ‘I can’t do it’ is mine as well.” But from there, where do I go?

Taking responsibility doesn’t make it go away, sometimes it makes it worse! How do I go from thinking “I can’t” to “I can”? Because that’s not something I believe in the moment and telling myself: “I can do xyz” just makes me roll my eyes. Any help would be great.

Thanks,
Kim Satterfield